Our Recommended Reading List

People often want to know what books we recommend they read to help rebuild from an affair, aside from our own book, Healing Infidelity, of course. We've read the following books and have found them the most helpful in our recovery.

Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart by Douglas K. Snyder - Comprehensive, balanced, and helpful not only in dealing with the initial emotional upheaval in the days immediately after discovery day, but also in working through the various issues of rebuilding. Ideal for both the hurt and unfaithful spouse to work through together. A good book to get and read as soon as possible.

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass - The most recommended book and a classic. It is recommended for good reason. It breaks down how friendships turn into affairs, how those affect the marriage, and the needed steps for recovery. If a hurt spouse is only going to read one book, this is the one most would mention.

How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful by Linda MacDonald - Likewise, if an unfaithful spouse is going to read only one book (and we certainly do recommend that you read more), this is hands down the one to read. We call it required reading for the unfaithful spouse who seriously wants to rebuild, but needs guidance how to do it. Good for a BS to read as well so they know what they should be expecting a serious rebuilding effort to look like.

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Jr. Harley - A book that rejuvenated our marriage in the aftermath of the affair. A couple may not want to tackle this book first, maybe only after the initial dust has settled from learning about the affair. And the hurt spouse needs to approach it knowing that the discussion of the marriage isn't blaming him for the spouse's affair, but the author discovered that focusing on rebuilding the romantic love after an affair boasted his success rate from the standard 40% range to the 60s. This is the book that helped us not just try to get back to where we were pre-discovery day, but made out marriage better than its ever been. Which spills over into a positive energy in all the areas of rebuilding.

Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction by Mark Laaser - If sexual addiction is diagnosed, this is a helpful book in dealing with it. Will be over the top if you're not an addict, but only experienced addictive behaviors. Disclaimer: We read the book, but Lenita was not diagnosed as having a sexual addiction. So we didn't do the practical steps in the book and can't testify how effective it is. Seek out a good sex therapist for help.